Monday, December 20, 2010

Jane Velez Mitchell declares "War On Women" with off-base Marginalization of Women in General

When HLN needed to replace the crazy-time they lost when Glen Beck moved to FOX News they tapped then respectable journalist Jane Velez Mitchell. The openly gay Irish-Puerto Rican American seemed like a nice departure from the poorly vetted conspiracy theories of Beck. Sadly, they were just trading one crazy philosophy for another.
Like the illustrious Mr Beck, JVM proceeds from a shred of inarguable commonly accepted societal phenomenon, in this case that women have often been treated badly and are still fighting some entrenched chauvinism. To say Jane Velez Mitchells extrapolations on this fact are far flung and and incredible would be charitable. Recently I have been watching a couple of segments a night of her show. As Nancy Grace ends her nightly "Dead White Chick" hour Velez Mitchell takes to the basic cable currents with all the restraint of George S Patton, semi shouting over that nights top story.
Usually JVM attempts to apply her crazed world view with template-like rigidity. When the wife of Mad Gunman Clay Duke, who was shot dead while shooting at the hostages he had taken at a Florida school board meeting, said he wasn't a monster, most people would consider the source and balk after making note of it. Militant Jane Velez Mitchell would not be among those people. Jane weaves what would seem to be an hysterical assertion made reflexively into a full blown battle in her "War on Women". The woman couldn't possibly be blamed, her husband was undeniably abusive with a hatred for women. This in spite of the fact he had allowed the women he had taken hostage to leave the room almost immediately and was actually acting in a misguided attempt to protest the firing of the wife who defended him later in the media. To most just misplaced loyalty by a shocked survivor. Not in Jane Velez Mitchells world at war.
The biggest aspect of the story she focused on was the woman who bravely took a swipe at the madmans gun hand with her purse. Laudable, brave and selfless would be the average reaction to this story.Jane Velez Mitchell is anything but average. In her world the woman was the only hero in the story. In fact, the off duty detective who charged in and gunned down Clay Duke was only able to save anyone because a hero woman had bought them precious time, presumably AFTER he overcame the fact that he was a man cursed to go through life with a penis. The actions of the heroic purse weilding female school board member should not be minimized, or in the case of Velez-Mitchells stunted reporting, marginalized. Forget the fact that the incident ended with the mad gunman trading shots with the reluctant hero, a retired male detective who later struggled with guilt over taking a life, even that of a wannabe spree killer.
The next item of business was a truly awful tale of a woman who was burned to death when her ill advised attempt to sell her baby went horribly awry. All i heard of the infant was that it was found naked on a doorstep related via a crawl at the bottom of the screen. The crawl, which comes across somewhat more humane then the perpetually rattled Velez Mitchell; did not provide any details of the infants health or if the child was even alive. A ghastly affair that is deeply disturbing to hear about. It's even more ghastly when JVM applies her "War on Women" template. Details squish out the sides of the mold like so much fresh play-dough.
Again, most people would ascribe the horror to a series of increasingly poor decisions on the part of the victim, who apparently was mixing with all the wrong people. Again Velez Mitchell would not be among those people. To her this is just another battle in the "War on Women". This unfortunate and seemingly unbalanced victim had surely been put in this position by Men. Surely, it started when a man impregnated her, probably against her will. Her Dad and the sperm donor/rapists Dad had clearly been poor role models, resulting in flawed individuals who locked the woman (and maybe their mothers) on a collision course with disaster.
One other item i have seen Velez Mitchell spin into the War on Women was the case of Major Nidal Hasan. Hasan is a coward and a scumbag who masqueraded as a patriot and a protector of life in his not so well regarded career as a US Army Doctor. Hasan was too much of a coward to deploy into the war which had been raging in Afghanistan since before he put his unworthy hand in the air and swore an oath to the Constitution.
Hasan apparently 'self radicalized' and went on a free-lance al Qaeda wanna be attack at Ft Hood Military Base in Texas, firing as many as 100 shots in a large room crowded with military personnel either deploying to or returning from combat assignments. Eyewitnesses all agree he was firing indiscriminately, trying to kill American Soldiers, regardless of their gender.
Velez Mitchell saw this as not so much part of a global ideological conflict aimed at killing American military personnel perpetuated by a brutish cowardly gunman but as part of a global coordinated "War on Women". There were only 3 people Velez Mitchell focused on out of dozens of victims and hero's involved. First, she focused on the male evil shooter who took the lives of some and the health of many more, the tragic death of a pregnant female soldier in the shooting spree, and the female security guard who was one of 2 people who fired at the blood thirsty bastard, eventually scoring a hit that paralyzed him and ended the massacre.
The second security guard, a man, was mentioned only in passing. Velez Mitchell incorrectly credited the female guard over and over as the undisputed shooter of the critical, paralyzing shot. The fact is that there is some doubt over who fired that shot and very little desire to make claim to it among the heroic responders. This team attitude is impossible to accept in the world of Velez Mitchell. Clearly the female team member was in the lead and probably helped the male officer overcome the fear every man has when entering into conflict with another man, who in this case was well armed, as opposed to the evil thrill all men must get beating on a defenseless woman. To me this is revisonist, advocacy journalism.
I am not blogging this to say women don't have legitimate obstacles to their success as opposed to men, or even to say that many women aren't victimized by men. My purpose is to simply say this; the crazy world of Jane Velez Mitchell and her War on Women marginalizes ALL women by dis-empowering them as masters of their own destinies in any way. To her Women are at War with men and society, a war of neccessity. A war that has gone on for ages uncounted.
The simple truth is that there is no war, women are in control of most of the things that they do in life, and sometimes simply make bad choices. In fact, to call what women confront every day as 'War" is a slap in the face to our soldiers, both female and male, who valiantly exchange fire with the scum of humanity every day deployed far from home in an earnest attempt to keep us safe. What women are confronted with, at least in contemporary America, is a world slowly evolving toward a more egalitarian scociety, or at least thats what most people would believe. Instead of women being at war, maybe its more accurate to say they are achieving tactile progress in a slow & steady equalization of the playing field. In fact, in this horrific economic environment women are doing slightly better than men in holding their jobs. This would be more worthy of an hour of TV time then crazed angry Uber-Bitch rants like those of Jane Velez Mitchell
Lastly, Jane's hair is on par with Nancy Grace's 'do'. In fact if you look at her long enough you almost begin to feel like her head is floating disembodied over her desk.
Jane Velez Mitchell is irresponsible, marginalizing and moralizing, advancing extremist conspiracy theories and spending an hour of TV time on the edge of utter, raging madness. Glen Beck would be proud.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

What do you think of root beer? Larry King packs it in

Tonight is Larry King's final show. For those who want to know what president clinton thinks about root beer it's an apocalypse. Who can forget him in the desert discussing Roswell? Possibly the worlds stupidest remote location.
His show routinely racks up high rating by getting the Biggest News Makers first. This sounds good until you consider on an average week that term can include Ted Danson, Jimmy Smits, henry Kissenger, Heidi Montag and the Cast of GLEE. When something momentous DOES actually happen the people involved will surely be on his show first. This also sounds good until you consider Larry will ask them things like- 'What do you think about root beer?'' What sort of car do you drive?' 'Have you noticed the lone survivor of tsunami's and other disasters always seems to be wearing a yankee cap?' and of course 'were you ever at Ebbetts Field? I saw a dodger game there that i remember like it was yesterday." In fact you can be sure that if Elizabeth Smart were on he would ask HER if she had been to Ebbett's Field, what sort of cars she drives, if she would ever wear fur and if she thinks GLEE is a good show.
Perhaps the most pertinent moment in recent journalism we saw on Larry King Live was when, during an interview, Balloon Boy's dad made damning, self incriminating statements that ultimately landed him in jail. Of course,on the night in question it was guest host Wolf Blitzer who blindsided richard henney by asking un-Larry like question that spoke to the facts. So appropriately, Larry himself has nothing to do with the some of the best broadcasts of his show, which CNN slothfully airs twice in prime time.
It has been observed Larry resembles an angry bull frog. His wikipedia pictures bare this out. I think he looks more like the Crypt Keeper puppet from that old HBO 'Tales from the Crypt"show.
Larry has a signature style which is built around him having undeniably the worst line of questioning of any interviewer; the man is a veritable anti-Barbara Walters, which makes people glad he was never a detective. People also speculate what kind of questions he would ask various Historical Figures. With my research, based on extensive viewing of his show, i will attempt to answer that question-
To Mary Todd Lincoln- "Everything else aside, would you recommend the play?
To George Washington- "Where can a guy get a coat like that?"
To George S Patton- "where's the worst place your car ever broke down on you?"
To Jesus- " How do you manage to comb your hair with that halo and the crown of thorns?"
To Franklin Delano Roosevelt, "They say Churchill had a talking parrot, is that true?"
To Adolf Hitler-"what made you decide to become a vegetarian?"
To Napoleon -"How was the fishing at Elba?"
To Richard Nixon- "what kind of audio tape do you prefer? Cassette or reel to reel?"
To Michaelangelo- "When you painted the ceiling of the Cistine Chapel did you ever fall asleep? What with the lying on your back and all?"
To Harry Truman- "what did you have for breakfast the day the Enola Gay dropped the atomic bomb?"
To Julius Caesar- "How does it feel when you walk around Rome and you see a guy with the same haircut as you?"
To Bill Clinton- "During your eight years in office which Christmas stands out the most for you?"
Larry arrives at these questions in a way that every journalist probably jealously envies- He has justified lack of preparation with the brilliant ploy;"It's better to go in there cold, its how i do my best work". Certainly a hero to the slackers of the world in a way he would never be to journalists.
And so, in this Christmas season, with so many people out of work and desperate for a job, Larry is showing the same kind of action that has made him an everyman, he quit his job.
Sadly, now I will never achieve my dream of being a guest on Larry King Live and sitting in front of that dot matrix map of the world they've been using since the mid eighties. It's also a secret wish of all Americans to see his show become utterly paradoxical by him dying on the air. Alas, chances for that are really thin at the time of this Blog post.
We lose a vaunted broadcaster from the airwaves (or more precisely your basic cable package). We also lose his gushing praise of terrible ideas and talentless actors and actresses. "Des Moyne, Iowa hello!!! your on live with the noted thespian Brian Austin Green!"
Tonight it ends, the final broadcast will air and then the lights will go out, Larry will be strapped drooling into his wheelchair and CNN will begin the search for someone to fill the role of the person so blind to the issues they ask nothing but softball questions. Perhaps most importantly; we lose a man so full of shit that you could use him for a fake quote and be sure he would stand behind it if he were ever asked. On the back cover of my book i will be putting a fake endorsement from Larry, "a great read!"
Farewell Larry.
My final thoughts- on his ninth divorce is he now more experienced than most lawyers; or does he suck at that too? I bet he has the papers in trunk of his Lincoln Town Car just in case he gets the romantic whim of moving on to a new wife.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Prisoner Poker- Picking Tomatoes in Sunny Arizona

It was way too cold to go out last weekend so i got my friend steve on the phone and we played a game we have come to really enjoy. We go on the Arizona State Department of Correstions site. http://www.azcorrections.gov/inmate_datasearch/Index_Minh.aspx
It's called prisoner poker. The object of the game is to click the prisoners headshot and try to guess what they had done. Then you click the link and you get whats basically the "back of their baseball cards" of crime. The system requires you put in a last name to see the prisoner profile, so we went with really common names. People named Smith and Jones as well as johnson and green; you are well represented in the Arizona Penal System. We had a great time and eventually got really good at guessing the crime. Many of these people are from Maricopa County, where they have that insane sheriff--http://twitter.com/realsheriffjoe--- he's under investigation for a series of weird and criminal things all revolving around his weird stalag type jail. It's on TV all the time. He makes the convicts live in tents, he makes them wear pink, they all have to work. It sounds good on TV. Why shouldn't the prisoners work?
They are proud to have the prisoners earning their keep. On the site you can also see the prisoners work records. They make ignominiously low prison wages, and deservedly so. That seemingly common sense idea take a turn for the crazy.Sheriff Joe Arpaio ruthlessly uses this to run his for profit jail. Thats right for profit.
Look, i don't have a problem with some convict making school desks or license plates or helping sustain the prison infrastructure to earn their keep. Hell, they damn well should. It's the idea that now there is a monetary incentive to criminalize and jail a person. Prisoner Poker proved out my hypothesis. There are a lot of people from maricopa county in jail for a long stretch for some pretty outlandish things. For instance- resisting arrest. Okay, if you hit a cop you need to spend some time in the can, absolutely, but this leads to the question, what were they even arrested for? This DA has no problem heaping on charges, surely some of these people would be "resisting arrest, possession of drug paraphenalia, or a gun or something. Nothing. Lots of people in jail for resisting arrest and thats it.
Meanwhile from the moment you don the pink underwear and convict stripes you start working at one of two places; Eurofresh, http://www.eurofresh.com/ a dutch owned tomato farm; or Hickman Family Farms, http://www.hickmanseggs.com/ which actually sounds like the kind of place you might want to take a vacation. More like doing a stretch for aggravated DWI. There's dozens of Smith's and Joneses out there in the arizona desert killing chickens and sorting eggs at the Hickman facilty. Whereas an illegal alien would likely command as much as 6 bucks an hour, Jim the drunk gets 15 cents an hour. Think about that next time you have salad. Did some crazy wife beater from Arizona paw this thing? Did the waiter wash his hands.... but i digress
I have heard that the Prison for Profit Industry has helped craft Arizona's draconian immigration laws. Think about it, they have a captive labor force of prisoners. I don't know any backstory on what these people did, but spending like 3 years in prison on a marijuana charge seems excessive. Scores of people with drug paraphenalia but no drugs are in jail, unexplained resisting arrest convictions where the person apparently did nothing else.
In the state of Arizona there's an incentive to imprison people. There's a reason to take on an attitude of guilty until proven innocent. I have heard first hand accounts of the maracopa county prison camp from a nice girl from New Hyde Park who got a DWI there going to Arizona State. So it's true enough and verifiable through all the records.
I think that the State of Arizona is Guilty of using convicts as a Slave Labor Force. To further this an overly punitive police regime engages in mass criminalization of average people, many of whom look quite normal in their prison mug shots. I know I am never going to go there. Fuck that. The Teahadists in Arizona have a cash incentive to throw me in jail, all so they can pay a convict .40 cents an hour to avoid paying a brown man 5 or 6 bucks an hour? Arizona is a dangerous place that has serious unamerican overtones. American's picking tomato's on a prison factory farm is a reality. Is it one we should live with?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Halfway the depth of my soul/ wikipedia self analysis part 2

So sometimes when i have time i really thirst for knowledge about the minutia of the world. I think about myself, how i affect other people and whether i'm crazy or merely eccentric. Since i can only afford one shrink but have enough crazy to keep like 5 of them working full time i need other mechanisms to cope with the aild ball of chaos that is my head. Anyway, indulge yourself in this quiz and see if you have a similar slice of pizza in the big pie that is the human psyche.
- do you --

- often feel like you are unable to stop the speed that your mind is functioning?
- do your accelerated thoughts seem especially well crafted?
- speak in rhyme or alliteration without any previous forethought or seemingly reflectively ?
- have an ability to respond quickly in verbal conversations to the point of being witty?
- experience depression after a social situation?
- have a pervasive elevated or euphoroic state?
- Little need for/inability to sleep?
- prolonged periods of creativity?
- seem to have an extra dose of confidence than most?
- Experience "pressured speech" (tendency to speak rapidly and frenziedly)
- pursue unrealistic sexual relationships?
These are all traits of a disorder known as Hypomania and I know i have felt most of the symptoms at one point or another. Perhaps most of us have. It seems benign enough, even somewhat beneficial. Certainly that would seem to make it pretty low in the self destruction scale, right? Not always... maybe not even all that often
Maybe whats more important than realizing i had experienced all if the above at some point or another; but instead how many times i have felt ALL of them at once. There's a sad aspect to the pressured speech, the auto pilot aspect to this. Sometimes witty crosses over to cruel and self confidence starts down the road to deluded megalomania and self destructive aspects. One trait mentioned is a tendency towards risky behavior/sexual adventuring. Again, seems sort of cool, but when followed by prolonged depresssion it can really become an issue. Hypomaniacs suffer, but not alone. They leave a wake of carnage behind them when they are on a roll, which can last weeks.
At best you are Andy Warhol & Mick Jagger all rolled up into one, at worst your Syd Barret and Jackson Pollack rolling around in misery and self criticism. There's no self protective aspect to the disorder, which some think is a adaptive evolutionary trait. The quickness and cruel wit that can be turned on others can also turn inward, tearing at the failures and shortcomings of our souls just below the surface. A terrible place, a place you know well if you have this disorder. Still it's a valuable place, a place where answers can be found. The number one thing that a person experiencing this can do is commit to go to a shrink. I'm glad i did, instead of only just self analyzing on the web. If your hypomaniac your neaver gonna be able to committo changing it without help. It's instinctual in you, it's your nature to be the forst one to say something, and it usually works, so you self edit less & less, never for a moment considering how your slowly poisoning a social well with overarching conversational hegemony. Even the funniest movie or the most interesting book needs closure, which is hard fo those of us who live life like we were shot out of a fucking cannon
I don't know, i don't have all the answers, thats what wikipedia is for.
-

Thursday, November 11, 2010

this is the city of the dead

video

Pleas take a minute to see my pics of all the local cemeteries. It will help you understand what i walk past to do ANYTHING in Middl Village
It's like this - My town is dead. No, literally there are more dead people than living ones here in Middle Village. Should probably be called "Middle Earth" its so inaccessible. Just like Tolkiens fantasy land of the Shire, i live in a small comfortable house in a small "habitable zone" where we living humans reside. I know one of my best friends from childhood lives around the block, but this is basically Hobbiton and i sort of don't want to drop by & horrify him.
When my new neighbors INEVITABLY ask me if i'm Italian and i INEVITABLY fail to lie and tell them i'm not, they look at me like i have 2 months to live. I mean, to them, it's an incurable condition that makes it impossible to really enjoy the nonsense behavior i see at the Jersey Shore for the 30 & over crowd that still act like fucking idiots. Thats really not a blanket condemnation of being italian, just being Italian to a fault. At sleazy "Yer Man's Irish Pub" up the street from the gothic graveyard where they interred Gotti & lucky luciano (both ABOVE ground because they were convicted of so many crimes) it's the pure resin of the Jersey Shore folk. It's probably an inevitability that anyone who ends up there is looking for a dramatic night. I sort of laid off going there when the second drunk wife grabbed me and kissed me while her hubby was in the pissing room. It's already near a graveyard and somehow theres a half dug grave sitting around at all times within sight of the fence. Who would notice ME in there in a shallow grave on top of an actual grave. Talk about hiding something in plane sight! Still... being bored is worse so i will probably brave the cold air, put Black Sabbath on the old iPod and walk past the boneyard to the Irish Guido bar. Maybe tonight i'll spritz on some calogne and wear a black shirt half unbuttonedf like Burt Reynolds... oh, wait, i don't have the beatle boots top finish it off. Looks like Irish Lowlife look again for me. every time i go some beautiful girl sel validates by getting me all hot & bothered, usually aggressively drags me to 2nd base and then just splits. messed up, but the alternative is dull. who knows, maybe i'll meet a hot local who is somewhat less screwed up. def won't happen if i stay home, thats for sure

Monday, July 26, 2010

jay silverheels

the other day it was a gazillion degrees here in NY & i sat around in a stoned turpure & watched AMC. Key Largo was on. I have clear and pleasant memories of watching it with my grandparents when they watched me as a kid. They had one of those old, slightly radioactive TV's.
Key Largo is not only a pretty damn good movie worthy of a remake, it has a stupendous cast. Bogey, bacall, drew barrymore's grandfather who played the evil cocksocker in "It's a Wonderful Life", setting the bar for all scurvy spider corporate movie bad guys to follow. In fact, as an aside, scum bag Mr Potter would've eaten Gordon Gecko for breakfast.
I remember how it was to sit in middle village in a cozy living room on a late summer afternoon, while we waited for the Mets game.
Part of the p;lot of Key Largo involved two Osceola Indians "in fancy shirts" who had got wild in town. When they showed up to make their surrender arrangements to drews grandfather, playing a mean spirited handicapped nice guy in this one. The second they appeared on the scene i cried aloud- "Jay Silverheels!" Tonto! Kemosobie's faithful pal. I seemed to feel a breeze. I could feel a presence. It wasn't my grandfather, but my godfather, Uncle Paul. He was giving me an at-a-boy. Seeing Jay had given me a rush and i felt the enormous personality, charisma and wit of my late Uncle for the first time since he left me. I love you Jay Silverheels, thanks.
I watch Indiana Jones al the time with MY godson, little jake,6, my sisters boy. I hope one day, many years from now after I'm gone, he will be home one afternoon and watch a movie and cry out "John Rhys-Davis!" or "Sean Connery!!" and feel me high five him form the other side

Monday, June 28, 2010

District 9 School of Law

Not every 40 year old man has fucked up so bad that he actually has the freedom to take a stab at a brand new and lucrative career of helping people unmarry eachother, go bankrupt or avoid jail time for DWI & tax fraud. Well, I am such a fuck up and I recently had that very experience.
St Thomas University was kicked out of Cuba when Castro came in, not for being a Catholic School in an atheist country, but for sucking. So they moved 90 miles north and kept on sucking in the USA, a country that loves and accepts mediocrity. The campus reminds me of nothing so much as the destroyed city from the second half of Full Metal Jacket. You remember, where Cowboy buys it? Yeah, thats the place. The "first round" of "development" was in the early 1960's, a particularly harsh period when boxy ugly low ranch type buildings prevailed. Frank Lloyd Wrong designed this place. Sprinkled in here and there are some nice new buildings that any campus would be proud to have, so St Thomas has made sure that no roads lead to any of them and kept them off all the signs and maps. I guess so no one steals them? I mean, its hard to see behind all the dead trees and the hissing water mocassin anyway, but the idea of not building roads or not putting the buildings that would put your campus on the map on your actual campus map is pretty fucking stunning.
I called the cafeteria "The Turtle Head Cafe" for reasons obvious to anyone who saw Goldmember. They served substandard fare that was sent back from the local jail because it wouldve caused a full on riot. No kidding even when the food was edible we all were sick to our stomachs within hours. Among my favorites; "Hot Dogs & Spaghetti" or better yet the fish sandwiches everyone passed on at lunch in a cheap disguise of sauce and cheese for that nights dinner. It was like they put the Groucho glasses on them. Appropriate as the joke was on me.
What does a school do when it's dean refuses to comply with the ABA, the only sanctioning body for law school accreditation ? Well first they drop 35 places in the standings and looks to only take on people who were the best possible bar exam takers, not good lawyers. Because the ex Dean got a golden parachute for treating the ABA survey like a Baseball Hall of Fame ballot and protest voting everyone else is fucked. They are out all the cash they gave him and presumably a lot more to hire someone with enough prestige to unfuck the last guys mistakes and cover them with enough glory to save the schools accreditation. Thats right for several weeks the people who had spent 3 years there were not even going to get a crack at the bar. So the atmosphere there is one of overt fear/tension/ mutual disdain between all.
Approaching the beautiful new building i was in the road took you past the dumpster. No shit. The most accessible entrance is adorned with a dumpster that couldve been put literally anywhere...like say 30 feet away where you wouldn't ever see it... alas my feeble ideas were not in the mix to the architects of these kudzu covered walls.
The neighborhood around the school is Opa Locka, a far cry from their claim of Miami Gardens, which despite its name is not in miami and is a really scary drug neighborhood where everything was familiar. Especially the outside of the jail (right across the parkway!) and the local police cars... BECAUSE ITS THE HELL HOLE GHETTO FROM THE SHOW COPS!!! think I'm kidding? Watch the First 48, thats filmed there too. Prague is another city that seems somehow familiar because of all the filming done there. This was NOT the same feeling.
I found this great video on youtube where they talk about how the Police were going to save the neighborhood and take it back. Like the other 3 police departments that cover this same jurisdiction, they have zero effect on how dangerous the neighborhood is. In fact in this clip from the local news they couldn't even get through the story without someone getting murdered in sight of the new Police HQ. Don't believe me? well see for yourself. Oh and the most famous alumni at this place is Dom Irrera, Fat Tony from the Simpsons. you really should check out the news story. I'll be blogging more about it when i recover from my flight... which likely will be part of my next blog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rZZEaM0PFQ

Friday, April 9, 2010

Tonight's Evening News in America, Star Wars Style

Everyone loves or @ least knows about the world of Star Wars. The opening text crawl sets up each movie to a clarion call of brass, an ensemble so deep that the music alone makes all other sensory input completely fucking irrelevant. Then George Lucas has the text slowly ascending the screen. Depending which movie you see he is either setting up future merchandizing possibilities or apologizing for and justifying the utterly flawed thinking behind The Phantom Menace, which is little more then a cool possible band name if you were going for a Shooter Jennings sort of thing.
if you want the soundtrack to my blog you can listen to the Star Wars theme, here's a link-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjMNNpIksaI its safe. I can assure you it works & is safe sorry you have to cut & paste it. still working on embeddding the video, sorry
Anyway, so here's how i think an appropriate 'set up text' to the evening news would look like tonight in the form of a Star Wars opening. The visual would be exactly the same. Ok, we've just listened the the extended version of the 20th century fox music ---- which is this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTgRm6Qgscc (if you don't remember it.
the opening trumpet blast of the theme would be---NOW!

Episode Done? : Shadow of Anarchy

It is a time of chaos and growing civil unrest; uncertainty is everywhere. Following the Destruction of the Death Panel by the forces of rebel leader Princess Pelosi, the Sith and their minions scramble to scorch the earth in a last desperate bid to retain any political power.
The evil Darth Boehner; through his loyal henchman Grand Moff Cogburn; has heartlessly used the powers of the Dark Side to send a great wave of fear through the poorest in the galaxy by rescinding the right to the Pursuit of Happiness by refusal of economic aid. These funds have been secretly yet blatantly been channeled to the very wealthiest. A vicious propaganda campaign by a small but vocal and radical cabal of minions loyal to the vanquished Emperor Cheney has increasing undercut the galactic Senate's ability to maintain order in the galaxy. The Jedi are numerous, but weak.
With misery and suffering at an all time high, Supreme Chancellor Obama has finally resolved to abandon the failed policy of appeasement and attempt to forge ahead with radical reforms that will reorder society in an attempt at a kinder, gentler America. He is destined to either stand among the Greatest of the Republic's leaders of the past, or to be it's last...
Both sides have skirmished and yet another destructive battle is inevitable. The deep breath before the storm has been drawn.
Also, in other news Jabba the Rush has denied any involvement in the death's of several twylek exotic dancers, plus Yoda with tomorrow's weather, and smuggling Consultant Han Solo will have some money saving tips to help you plan that family vacation to Alderaan, plan to have a blast! We're back after this."

Saturday, April 3, 2010

rest stop on the Highway to Hell

lately the catholics are getting a lot of bad press, and deservedly so. personally, i feel like most religions are the same. Its much like the monkeys at the zoo picking through the pile of feces looking for the undigested peanuts. if your willing to deal w/ the filth factor you may find something to sustain you.
As hard as it is to accept any one religion after 10 yrs of catholic school i'm too afraid to be an atheist, then i realized that hypocrisy is sort of a cornerstone of the whole thing. So i can be a total piece of shit and just apologize later. I'm planning a deathbed confession. The nuns at Our lady of Victory told me that if even hitler had done it he'd have gone right to heaven.
So here's how it changed my Bucket List-
- kill a guy for fun
- steal a car and use it to rob a bunch of 7-11's
- then spend the money gambling
-tear labels off mattresses every chance i get
- run someone over in a prius so no one can say its my fault
- Fart in every meeting i go to for the rest of my life
- watch the erin andrews video
- try crack
- maybe some smack too
- actually eat some of the steamer tray food that is inexplicably at some strip clubs (like i said its a bucket list)
- convince kids waiting for bus schools a waste of time, give them 50 bucks and a bag of weed just to ruin their lives
- go to the home for whacked out old nuns & thank them for the life changing advice.... with a case of bourbon
- throw water balloons at a cop.
- put a boxing gloce at end of a spring and use it to punch people who cut me off
- carry a seltzer bottle for same reasons but w/ a 3 Stooges twist
- read hardcore porn on the plane to freak out person next to me. Then refuse to stop reading it unless they have a bible, telling them im an all or nothing kind of guy
- pay a hookers to paint someone's house while theyre on vacation (don't make me angry)
- take a job i hate just to grand stand and see if i can drive boss to quit
- go one interviews for jobs i dont want just to be offensive and demand off on Hitler's birthday & day after Superbowl before i even sit down
- then make the HR person cry because lets face it they fire people and really should hate their jobs
- continue shouting the most vile profanity at all parking and code enforcement people, calling them "Parking Nazi's" (everyone should do this actually) then tell them if they don't like it get a real job or become a real cop.
- do a sequel one man show of "Vagina Monologues 2-Answering Cervix"
- paint my house and sidewalk black to freak people out

anyway there's a comment box. if you have an idea, even if its a bad one, i still might try it

Thursday, April 1, 2010

ANARCHY DAY!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmxyj6iInMc
REM End of the World as we know it. a good soundtrack for this McRant
here we go-
ANARCHY ANARCHY ANARCHY! its not just a trendy t-shirt anymore! Anyone look on the UEI benefits site lately? I have either nothing, 2 weeks or 6 weeks or possibly 20 weeks left. Someone wanna tell me how to unfuck that huge question mark? Thank christ i only have to buy medicine like 2x times before the drug laws kick in, should put some nice $ back in my pocket. Meanwhile i can't wait to go to the clinic in hempstead, w/ some guy sweating out the wait for methadone, for meds. Should be a real cool time.
I'm McFucked, McBroke, McSick and McPissed. Now, i wont be doing any craqzy stuff, because i got just me to worry about and i owe no real $, but theres plenty of people who bought houses they had no biz owning, lost $ and now live, well, who the fuck knows? I feel like a trend setter being as how divorce and illness had kicked my ass and i only got it together when the rest of you starting getting fired.
IF there really is a gap, then i foresee the same thing that happened last gap. People going on spree shootings, crashing small planes into Gov't buildings, taking it all out on police.
Meanwhile, on Hitler's B-day/ Kill a bunch of people for no reason in Oklahoma City/ Waco day theres a 4 MILLION GUN MARCH ON WASHINGTON??? Anyone realize that you can't carry there?? How many guns per person will be needed to get to 4 million? some of you dig guns, cool, your right. Theres no law for walking down the street spinning a butchers knife on a string, but it'll def land you in jail. Same thing when really angry people are in proximity of guns. These people want a literacy test for voting? i want a rohrshack test on wanna be gun owners.
And seriously, outside the hands of a cop theres no legitimate use for handguns.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

man i'm super hungry and all i can think about is a fucking cheeseburger and fries. I guess i'm a plebian or a philistine or whatever, because when i'm really hungry thats my go-to food. Well, it's actually a philly cheese steak but i can't get a decent one this side of astoria. Sometimes i take the 40 min round trip just to enjoy the heart clogging goodness of a king's Deli cheese steak, but now i sound like Larry King.
So here's my thing- I'm so fucking sick of everyone turning everything towards healthcare. I'm sick of both sides. I'm sick of the lies all over. I'm sick of status quo and i'm irritated so many people wwere so hoodwinked into lining up against their best interests. When the republican's took a strong stand against their own ideas being included why didn't they fucking drop 'em?
Obama needs to grow a goatee and a pair of balls or he's next Jimmy Carter. Finally an accomplishment. Dubious to be sure, but an accomplishment.
it's hard to believe this nation was founded on a tax revolt, but I'd rather give my $ to the gov't then some fucking for profit insurance company that is, in and of itself, a death panel.
BTW- how many isolated incidents of tea bagger violence before they stop talking up guns all the time? Most of those people are too old or too unbalanced to ever be near a gun, let alone own one. Pistols should be universally illegal. Serve absolutely no practical purpose outside the hands of a cop
This week 8 million Americans cashed their final unemployment check. I'm thinking by this time next week we'll be homing in on some sort of Anarchy Day. Stock up on water & canned goods!

Friday, March 19, 2010

shrinkipedia

I'm trying to self analyze and explore a sociological aspect I propose is evolving today. I'm looking at mass culture, social media, and the current accuracy of the biggest go-to source on information in this, which i call 'the third era of mass culture, wikipedia.
The logical underpinning to my assertion is simply to have logical categories. I came up with some. I call it "The Evolution of Mass Culture."
"The First Era of Mass Culture" can logically be assumed to have begun when the printing press went viral and got out enough cheap newspapers and enough people could read for interconnection between the time information becomes generally known to be roughly the same time everywhere. An equiilibrium of sorts. Mass Cultural reactions happen closer to 'real time'. In the past ideas could take milleniums to coalesce. Consider monotheism or democracy as examples.
That would all be PMC, Pre Mass Culture, or simply anytime before 1599. After that reactions have taken place closer and closer to what we would call 'real time'. I'm calling it arbitrarily 1600.
The Second Era of mass culture begins with the sweeping inventions of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. newspapers had reached saturation point through increasing demographics and population. This changed when we started down the road that took us from telegraph to cable TV and pay per view porn. Radio and pre-cable TV comprise the bulk of the period. The Second Era of Mass Culture was markedly shorter then the first. The third Age begins in 2000, where technology advanced to the point computers were indispensable and we feared Y2K.
Thats the sociological component.
here's the self analysis.
Naturally the things you have revelations about are between you and your therapist/computer. What would be fascinating is if where you may think the accuracy ends and assess the value of what is there, right off wikipedia.
Instead of getting a shrink i'm tossing various personality disorders into wikipedia. I call it 'shrinkapedia' therapy! Todays session was kind of enlightening. I am trying to optimize the value of the free therapy and compensate for the poorly documented sources as i need some kind of filter. So i'll filter my thoughts here for a minute blogging
I was hoping they would have a quiz in there to self analyze. Turns out i got lucky and they had the next best thing
For one personality disorder they actually had a matrix, which is pretty close to a test. Think True/False Quiz.
i had to feed in the data so i'm now biased. I can't really use my reactions to gauge it's accuracy.
So the wiki therapy begins with exploration of a randomly selected personality disorders. The link to the wiki definition is at the end of the disorder matrix. I hit a few points on the matrix, but i bet everyone does. It's human nature i suppose to come across part of ones humanity when one delves into human nature.
our starting assumption would be the thing every shrink says in every movie where they have a shrink, "it's not the destination, it's the voyage." True or not it's been said enough that its a part of how we look inward.
By implication then, if you think you've reached the 'ultimate' destination you've become arrogant and will slowly go stale. therefore you must bee somewhat primal by nature in the sense that you must keep moving. looking in all directions. The past the future, what could've been, all run parallel in a judgement free place where 'The Twilight Zone' meets 'A Christmas Carol" .
anyway heres the matrix... i can't really explain it. so like neo see it for yourself. I'm going to use two categories of one personality disorder quickly right here.
The link to the Wiki definition is, of course, at the end :)

Compliance Patterns:

  • I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
  • I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
  • I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
  • I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
  • I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
  • I accept sex when I want love.
  • Control Patterns:
  • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
  • I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
  • I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
  • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
  • I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
  • I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
  • I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
matrix cut & pasted from Wiki's Codependency definition. allegedly one of the worst personality disorders.
Were you shocked? Uncomfortable? Did you think this was all total bullshit? Some of the
things took me a while to think through before i could honestly give myself a true false answer.
I definitely felt any one of them I checked off would be a good cause for some introspection.
In true cringe-worthy fashion checking off even one is scary, yet checking off none may be cause
to consider the possibility you have become 'out of touch' to some extent. At the very least at some
point in my life I had definitely been guilty or complicit of hitting some points on the matrix. I guess
many will share my feelings that some are worse then others and theres
times we've all been guilty of some of those things. Any thoughts? I would love comments and feedback.
It is an edgy thing though so comments may be hard to depersonalize some stuff enough to share.
Personally i was glad most of the points i hit on the matrix were things i was already aware of,
had over come or had at least begun to deal with. Only really one truly one shocking revelation, but
I'm glad to have had it before i croak.
Thanks for reading!
J

Thursday, March 11, 2010

ambien not a fun recreational drug

Right now i'm lucky enough to have some time to ween off my recent friend, ambien.
Ambien is a shitty friend. It doesn't really wear off when you wake up. it seems to build up and linger in you. you definitely will have a bad experience if you drink the night after taking it. I def had a psychotic break fro like 2 hours and my drinking that night was considerable, but not beyond what i'm used too. Went home and thought i was asleep. Wrote some pretty crazy e-mails that i only remember doing now, like 3 days later. I've sleep jogged when i've drank on it too, but @ least thats got some benefit. Even though i got hurt once, i would rather not remember exercising.
The bad taste in my mouth like a metal spoon makes me feel bat shit crazy and you can't swallow.n How do you sleep with a lump in your throat? You could choke to death just trying to drink a bottle of water to clear out the imaginary lump.
Lately i've been kind of bored and bummed out, so ive been taking while im awake as a hypnotic. Then i just spaced out to a continuos week long loop of watching Star Wars 2-6. 2 has grown on me. I just won't buy phantom menace because man imagine the sort of pills that would take to enjoy? likely fatal
Has ambien been a shitty friend to you??

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Bushbama

Wtf? Obama needs to grow a goatee & get mean. Same thing w/ Tiger Woods. Woods is a whining pussy who has a wife better then anything most of us would touch. Bastard threw so much $ at her shes now just a paid escort now (try explaining that to any woman). She's trading her services for cash. Only a couple words for that and they aren't complimentary. If she beat his ass why wasn't he tossed in jail?
i can't look at a picture of what a McCain Palin america wouldve been like, probably a lot worse. Pretty damn sad when your own wife thinks your political ideas are SO TERRIBLE she actively supports opposition views. Still, i think the Great But you gootta figure the recession would be worse, which isn't the same as saying it's getting better.
Bushbama has been a complete fucking disaster in a bunch of ways but like Batman there's always some dipshit villain doing something totally stupid to bail the guy out. ex- "You lie!"
I'm sorry, i thought that speech made no fucking sense yet this slap dick bails him out. If he shuts the fuck up instead of "loudmouth pissant congressman rude to our #1 Guy" it would've read " Our #1 guy made speech, nation baffled'.
he's just like Bush but boring instead of scary. It was so unbelievably hard to see the hope and change swallowed by talking points and a guy who was clearly doing a pretty bad job of 'on the job training"
if he doesn't get his ass in gear soon he's a Jimmy carter for sure.
I couldn't understand Bush because the man lied and was poorly spoken. I can't follow Obama enough to know if he's lying, he just loses me.... almost everytime. He's fucking boring.
That chunk of the health care bill needs to go through or he's a total failure

dear diary

im here to stay