Saturday, April 3, 2010

rest stop on the Highway to Hell

lately the catholics are getting a lot of bad press, and deservedly so. personally, i feel like most religions are the same. Its much like the monkeys at the zoo picking through the pile of feces looking for the undigested peanuts. if your willing to deal w/ the filth factor you may find something to sustain you.
As hard as it is to accept any one religion after 10 yrs of catholic school i'm too afraid to be an atheist, then i realized that hypocrisy is sort of a cornerstone of the whole thing. So i can be a total piece of shit and just apologize later. I'm planning a deathbed confession. The nuns at Our lady of Victory told me that if even hitler had done it he'd have gone right to heaven.
So here's how it changed my Bucket List-
- kill a guy for fun
- steal a car and use it to rob a bunch of 7-11's
- then spend the money gambling
-tear labels off mattresses every chance i get
- run someone over in a prius so no one can say its my fault
- Fart in every meeting i go to for the rest of my life
- watch the erin andrews video
- try crack
- maybe some smack too
- actually eat some of the steamer tray food that is inexplicably at some strip clubs (like i said its a bucket list)
- convince kids waiting for bus schools a waste of time, give them 50 bucks and a bag of weed just to ruin their lives
- go to the home for whacked out old nuns & thank them for the life changing advice.... with a case of bourbon
- throw water balloons at a cop.
- put a boxing gloce at end of a spring and use it to punch people who cut me off
- carry a seltzer bottle for same reasons but w/ a 3 Stooges twist
- read hardcore porn on the plane to freak out person next to me. Then refuse to stop reading it unless they have a bible, telling them im an all or nothing kind of guy
- pay a hookers to paint someone's house while theyre on vacation (don't make me angry)
- take a job i hate just to grand stand and see if i can drive boss to quit
- go one interviews for jobs i dont want just to be offensive and demand off on Hitler's birthday & day after Superbowl before i even sit down
- then make the HR person cry because lets face it they fire people and really should hate their jobs
- continue shouting the most vile profanity at all parking and code enforcement people, calling them "Parking Nazi's" (everyone should do this actually) then tell them if they don't like it get a real job or become a real cop.
- do a sequel one man show of "Vagina Monologues 2-Answering Cervix"
- paint my house and sidewalk black to freak people out

anyway there's a comment box. if you have an idea, even if its a bad one, i still might try it

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