Friday, April 9, 2010

Tonight's Evening News in America, Star Wars Style

Everyone loves or @ least knows about the world of Star Wars. The opening text crawl sets up each movie to a clarion call of brass, an ensemble so deep that the music alone makes all other sensory input completely fucking irrelevant. Then George Lucas has the text slowly ascending the screen. Depending which movie you see he is either setting up future merchandizing possibilities or apologizing for and justifying the utterly flawed thinking behind The Phantom Menace, which is little more then a cool possible band name if you were going for a Shooter Jennings sort of thing.
if you want the soundtrack to my blog you can listen to the Star Wars theme, here's a link- its safe. I can assure you it works & is safe sorry you have to cut & paste it. still working on embeddding the video, sorry
Anyway, so here's how i think an appropriate 'set up text' to the evening news would look like tonight in the form of a Star Wars opening. The visual would be exactly the same. Ok, we've just listened the the extended version of the 20th century fox music ---- which is this- (if you don't remember it.
the opening trumpet blast of the theme would be---NOW!

Episode Done? : Shadow of Anarchy

It is a time of chaos and growing civil unrest; uncertainty is everywhere. Following the Destruction of the Death Panel by the forces of rebel leader Princess Pelosi, the Sith and their minions scramble to scorch the earth in a last desperate bid to retain any political power.
The evil Darth Boehner; through his loyal henchman Grand Moff Cogburn; has heartlessly used the powers of the Dark Side to send a great wave of fear through the poorest in the galaxy by rescinding the right to the Pursuit of Happiness by refusal of economic aid. These funds have been secretly yet blatantly been channeled to the very wealthiest. A vicious propaganda campaign by a small but vocal and radical cabal of minions loyal to the vanquished Emperor Cheney has increasing undercut the galactic Senate's ability to maintain order in the galaxy. The Jedi are numerous, but weak.
With misery and suffering at an all time high, Supreme Chancellor Obama has finally resolved to abandon the failed policy of appeasement and attempt to forge ahead with radical reforms that will reorder society in an attempt at a kinder, gentler America. He is destined to either stand among the Greatest of the Republic's leaders of the past, or to be it's last...
Both sides have skirmished and yet another destructive battle is inevitable. The deep breath before the storm has been drawn.
Also, in other news Jabba the Rush has denied any involvement in the death's of several twylek exotic dancers, plus Yoda with tomorrow's weather, and smuggling Consultant Han Solo will have some money saving tips to help you plan that family vacation to Alderaan, plan to have a blast! We're back after this."

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